You're out; She's not

You might have a guess of what I want to adress in this post by the title. Today's topic is how do you deal with a relationship where you are out and your partner is not out. I've never personally experienced this. But I've heard about it happening. And it also seemed like something that many people might deal with at some point in their lives. I might not be in a relationship at the moment, and I have never been in a relationship. So why should I adress an issue I have never had to personally deal with? Because I know people who have to deal with this exact situation. So here we go... If you are the person who is out--don't push the person in the relationship who isn't out to come out when they aren't ready to be out yet. Think of what it would be like if you were in their shoes when you weren't out yet. It isn't easy to come out for anyone. And to be in a relationship when most people don't even know that you are gay or lesbian has to be hard. So think of how you would want to handle the situation if you were in their shoes. If you are the person who isn't out--don't come out to the world just because the person you are with is telling you to come out. Only come out when YOU are personally ready to come out.

Religion (It's been a while)

I know it's been a while since I've posted here. But that's what happens when your life becomes hectic. And so now I'm back, and hoping to write posts more regularly. I know I've posted about being gay and religious before. But I realize that being gay and believing in a God isn't exactly easy to make happen. And for me it wasn't easy to combine the two.

Back in middle school, when I was becoming more aware of the fact that I was different from my friends and classmates, I went through a phase where I didn't really believe in a God. And that was after having a strong belief that there was a God in elementary school. I know that middle school is a tough age for many of us. For me it was particularly hard. Dealing with feeling so different wasn't easy. I can remember thinking that there wasn't a God during sixth grade, seventh grade, and most of eighth grade. The summer between seventh grade and eigth grade I spent a week of my life at confirmation camp. At that point I was at my all time low point with my faith. And during that week nothing changed a whole lot for me. I noticed how many of the people that worked the camp seemed to have this strong faith. And I couldn't understand how their faith was strong. I had a long way to go before my faith was anywhere near as strong as the staff's faith was.

The next summer, I got the chance to go back to confirmation camp, and decided to go again. I had seen the strengh of the faith of the staff at the camp. I wanted to understand how and why their faith had become so strong. I didn't know what to believe. And that second time at camp made a difference in my life. I found a sliver of faith that week at confirmation camp after eighth grade. My belief that there was a God out there grew a little. But I still wasn't sure if I had a connection with the God that I now (after that second week at confirmation camp) believed in.

Since then I've been through so much. And I've found that my faith has grown slowley. And as it's grown, I've come to realize that even though God might not speak to me in a booming voice, he has ways of communicating with me.

If you aren't religious, don't believe that there is a God, I'm noot one of those religious nuts who will tell you that you have to convert or else go to hell. I'm just one of those people who believes in God, who accepts people for who they are, and who accepts everyone for what they believe in.

Being out at school-coming out and being out

Being out at school can't be easy for anyone. I know it was something that I struggled with for quite some time. I questioned wether or not I should come out to my peers, or if I should keep my sexuality to myself for a long time while I was in high school and college.

There are people out there that are in school that will never accept you for who you are. It's sad that people can't accept their peers for their sexuality. But it's part of life. The best thing I can tell you about being out at school is surround yourself with people who care, and who accept you no matter what. If people at school begin to bully you because you are openly gay/lesbian, then go to a teacher, principle or counslor. Somebody in a position of authority at your school should be able to help you deal with bullies that bully you simply because of your sexuality.

Many times you can find at least one teacher or staff member at the school you go to who will be understanding and supportive, and who can help you so much. At the high school that I went to there was one particular teacher who students were sure was a lesbian. I wish that I had gone to her and found out, and told her that I am a lesbian. I think I might have found somebody who I would have gotten along with quite well, and who probobly would have been a huge supporter of me. But I never did go to that teacher. Instead I spent a lot of time around the band directors, and they were like parents to the band. Anytime I was having a bad day, the band directors were right there with me, willing to listen or just be there.

Find someone, anyone, at the school you go to that is supportive of gays and lesbians. Stay with them, and don't ever forget that there are other people out there that have gone through what you are going through, and have proven that life DOES get better.

Hang in there.

Work--being openly gay/lesbian

I know it's not easy to come out of the closet, especially to your coworkers. And not everyone that you work with is going to be accepting of the fact that you are gay/lesbian. So you really have to scope out what the company your work for says about being openly gay/lesbian. I do know that some places, like Dow, are very accepting of gays and lesbians being in the work force.

Being openly lesbian at work was something I struggled with for a good three years before I knew that it would be okay for me to be openly gay/lesbian at work. My first summer job was at Dow Gardens. That was where I struggled the most with my sexuality. It didn't help that I found myself attracted to some of my co-workers, and was nowhere near ready to come out to anyone when I worked there. And that forced me into this whole other world of not feeling very comfortable. Thankfully I have since gotten over the fear of coming out. The summer after working at Dow Gardens I worked for the local minor leauge baseball team in food service. I still wasn't out to anyone. But I was much more comfortable in my own skin. By the summer of 2010, when I was fully out, including with the minor leauge team that I had worked for the past two seasons, I went back to work for them. The cool thing was that no one interacted with me any differently. The only difference was that in the employee handbook there was a mention that they will and would not discriminate based on sexuality.

My point is, find out how your employeer feels about having employees that are openly gay/lesbian and go from there.

Is it a choice?

Is being gay or lesbian a choice? That is today's topic.

There are people that believe that people choose to be gay or lesbian. Some people believe that being gay or lesbian is a sin. There are people who believe that a person who is gay or lesbian can change and become straight. And there are people that believe some combination of the above. And whatever you believe in is fine with me. Believe what you want about gays and lesbians, but don't force your opinions on me.

We do not choose wether we are gay, lesbian, bi, or straight. It's just how we are born. I don't have absolute proof to prove that people are born with their sexuality. But I believe that we are born with a specific sexuality. I know that I wasn't born straight, and that I was born gay. I know people who were born straight that know for sure that they weren't born gay.

As a young child I was not fully aware of my sexuality. But as I've grown up, I've learned about myself and my sexuality. I learned that I wouldn't be like anyone else. I learned that my sexuality was different. But no matter how long I tried to deny myself of my feelings, they kept on coming back. And it was when they kept on coming back that I knew that I was gay, was a lesbian, and that I would never be able to change how I feel for other women.

"It's a phase"

"It's a phase"--this is so untrue. There are the people out there who litterally are experimenting, and grow out of it. But there are a lot of us who are NOT experimenting and are NOT going through a phase. It's okay if you say that it's a phase when someone really is going through a phase. But please please please don't say that it's a phase. I hate it when people say that I'm going through a phase.

It's hard to hear someone tell you what you are going to find yourself attracted to, especially when they aren't the ones who really know what you are attracted too. If you happen to be straight and a reading this, think of it this way. I could go up to any person who is straight and tell them that what they feel for people of the opposite sex is just a phase, you would say that I'm crazy for saying that. Well that's what it's like when someone says "It's a phase" to someone who is truley gay.

Here's a question I pose to those of you who are straight: how did you know you were straight? I have a feeling that you just knew that you were attracted to people of the opposite sex. That's the way it is for gays and lesbians. We just know that we are attracted to people of the same sex.

If you think that those of us who are gay or lesbian are just going through a phase, I'm sorry to break it too you, but we really are gay or lesbian.

How did I come out?

It seems like I've been asked this question a lot latly: how did you come out? So I thought I would address it here, and get it done and over with.

During October of 2008, I was ready to begin coming out to my friends and family. The problem was that I didn't want everyone to know right away. I wanted to come out to just a few people at first. I wasn't ready to tell everyone yet. But I wanted a few people to know. Since my closest friends and I were all over the place, and we rarly saw each other, I decided to send them an e-mail. I sent my four closest friends an e-mail telling them that I am gay. They were perfectly fine with my being gay, and that meant a lot to me simply because it meant that I had support from people that were close to me.

A year later, I was ready to come out to the rest of my friends and my family. On a Tuesday afternoon I decided to check my facebook, and I posted a status update wondering why some things are so hard. I was specifically thinking about how hard it is to find the right words to tell people that you are gay. Within a few minutes I had a response from a friend of mine from a friend of mine, which gave me the idea of how to come out to my friends and family all at once. I posted a status update that said something to the extent of: "Some things are hard so that we learn to overcome. It's time that I said it. I'm gay.". Moments later I had to log off the computer and head to class.

Since then coming out has gotten so much easier. In the last year and a half I've been standing in a line at the store, and a guy behind me asked me out, and I was able to tell him that I'm gay and that no, I don't want to date him. The more times you come out, the easier it gets, and the more confident you become in who you are.

It does get better. Just take your time. Don't expect to come out by a predetermined date. Just come out when YOU are ready, not when someone else is ready for you to do it.