Video-coming out

It's hard

First memories of knowing you are gay/lesbian

Sorry that I've been out of sight and not posting for so long! I've pretty busy with Lent, handbell rehersals, Easter, working in my church's nursery, trying to find a full time job, and writing a script for script frenzy (www.scriptfrenzy.org). But I'm back to post!

Everyone has their first memories of when they first realized/knew that they are gay/lesbian. And for me that is no different. For me my first memory of knowing that I was different, and knowing that I am a lesbian were quite spread out. In fifth grade I remember thinking that my teacher was beautiful, and that I was feeling so different from my peers. And after that I knew that I was different from my peers, but really didn't have a good way to descibe why I was so different. Throughout middle school and high school, I didn't really like the words gay, lesbian, and homosexual, even though I knew (in the back of my head) that that's what I was and am, and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Later on in my life, while I was working at Dow Gardens, I realized that nothing had changed. I realized that this was who I am. I realized that I had grown up. I realized that I had come to accept myself as a gay; as a lesbian.

You're out; She's not

You might have a guess of what I want to adress in this post by the title. Today's topic is how do you deal with a relationship where you are out and your partner is not out. I've never personally experienced this. But I've heard about it happening. And it also seemed like something that many people might deal with at some point in their lives. I might not be in a relationship at the moment, and I have never been in a relationship. So why should I adress an issue I have never had to personally deal with? Because I know people who have to deal with this exact situation. So here we go... If you are the person who is out--don't push the person in the relationship who isn't out to come out when they aren't ready to be out yet. Think of what it would be like if you were in their shoes when you weren't out yet. It isn't easy to come out for anyone. And to be in a relationship when most people don't even know that you are gay or lesbian has to be hard. So think of how you would want to handle the situation if you were in their shoes. If you are the person who isn't out--don't come out to the world just because the person you are with is telling you to come out. Only come out when YOU are personally ready to come out.

Religion (It's been a while)

I know it's been a while since I've posted here. But that's what happens when your life becomes hectic. And so now I'm back, and hoping to write posts more regularly. I know I've posted about being gay and religious before. But I realize that being gay and believing in a God isn't exactly easy to make happen. And for me it wasn't easy to combine the two.

Back in middle school, when I was becoming more aware of the fact that I was different from my friends and classmates, I went through a phase where I didn't really believe in a God. And that was after having a strong belief that there was a God in elementary school. I know that middle school is a tough age for many of us. For me it was particularly hard. Dealing with feeling so different wasn't easy. I can remember thinking that there wasn't a God during sixth grade, seventh grade, and most of eighth grade. The summer between seventh grade and eigth grade I spent a week of my life at confirmation camp. At that point I was at my all time low point with my faith. And during that week nothing changed a whole lot for me. I noticed how many of the people that worked the camp seemed to have this strong faith. And I couldn't understand how their faith was strong. I had a long way to go before my faith was anywhere near as strong as the staff's faith was.

The next summer, I got the chance to go back to confirmation camp, and decided to go again. I had seen the strengh of the faith of the staff at the camp. I wanted to understand how and why their faith had become so strong. I didn't know what to believe. And that second time at camp made a difference in my life. I found a sliver of faith that week at confirmation camp after eighth grade. My belief that there was a God out there grew a little. But I still wasn't sure if I had a connection with the God that I now (after that second week at confirmation camp) believed in.

Since then I've been through so much. And I've found that my faith has grown slowley. And as it's grown, I've come to realize that even though God might not speak to me in a booming voice, he has ways of communicating with me.

If you aren't religious, don't believe that there is a God, I'm noot one of those religious nuts who will tell you that you have to convert or else go to hell. I'm just one of those people who believes in God, who accepts people for who they are, and who accepts everyone for what they believe in.

Being out at school-coming out and being out

Being out at school can't be easy for anyone. I know it was something that I struggled with for quite some time. I questioned wether or not I should come out to my peers, or if I should keep my sexuality to myself for a long time while I was in high school and college.

There are people out there that are in school that will never accept you for who you are. It's sad that people can't accept their peers for their sexuality. But it's part of life. The best thing I can tell you about being out at school is surround yourself with people who care, and who accept you no matter what. If people at school begin to bully you because you are openly gay/lesbian, then go to a teacher, principle or counslor. Somebody in a position of authority at your school should be able to help you deal with bullies that bully you simply because of your sexuality.

Many times you can find at least one teacher or staff member at the school you go to who will be understanding and supportive, and who can help you so much. At the high school that I went to there was one particular teacher who students were sure was a lesbian. I wish that I had gone to her and found out, and told her that I am a lesbian. I think I might have found somebody who I would have gotten along with quite well, and who probobly would have been a huge supporter of me. But I never did go to that teacher. Instead I spent a lot of time around the band directors, and they were like parents to the band. Anytime I was having a bad day, the band directors were right there with me, willing to listen or just be there.

Find someone, anyone, at the school you go to that is supportive of gays and lesbians. Stay with them, and don't ever forget that there are other people out there that have gone through what you are going through, and have proven that life DOES get better.

Hang in there.

Work--being openly gay/lesbian

I know it's not easy to come out of the closet, especially to your coworkers. And not everyone that you work with is going to be accepting of the fact that you are gay/lesbian. So you really have to scope out what the company your work for says about being openly gay/lesbian. I do know that some places, like Dow, are very accepting of gays and lesbians being in the work force.

Being openly lesbian at work was something I struggled with for a good three years before I knew that it would be okay for me to be openly gay/lesbian at work. My first summer job was at Dow Gardens. That was where I struggled the most with my sexuality. It didn't help that I found myself attracted to some of my co-workers, and was nowhere near ready to come out to anyone when I worked there. And that forced me into this whole other world of not feeling very comfortable. Thankfully I have since gotten over the fear of coming out. The summer after working at Dow Gardens I worked for the local minor leauge baseball team in food service. I still wasn't out to anyone. But I was much more comfortable in my own skin. By the summer of 2010, when I was fully out, including with the minor leauge team that I had worked for the past two seasons, I went back to work for them. The cool thing was that no one interacted with me any differently. The only difference was that in the employee handbook there was a mention that they will and would not discriminate based on sexuality.

My point is, find out how your employeer feels about having employees that are openly gay/lesbian and go from there.