Return from the land of e-mail

Once again I have neglected my blog. :-(

This time I have a good reason, and some great stories to tell.

Did I mention that I am busy with a new "job"? I guess not. So here we go.

Early last month I began the process of putting together the cast and crew of my first full length feature film. The film is about a young woman who is a Lesbian, and her relationships. And it sure has been an adventure now that I am a month into the process. I am still in the process of casting, and have a couple more people to audition.

Quite some time ago I saw the film titled"Loving Annabelle" for the first time. And I must say that it was one of those films that you just don't forget. In a way it reminded me of my senior year, when I found myself attracted to one of my teachers, and didn't act on it. Shortly after watching "Loving Annabelle" I watched "The Gymnast". Both movies were well done. And the thing I remember after watching both films (besides how eaisly I connected with the stories and characters), was how well they were filmed-how beautiful so many of the shots were.

Maybe those movies changed me more that I originally thought that did. Having seen them, I finally realized that there was a place for films about gays and lesbians.

And so the process began for me in early May. And now, just over a month in, I have found myself overwealmed by the fact that this is really happening, and that now I am finishing up auditions and now am beginning to make decisions on who to cast for which roles.

Did I mention that I have found so much talent in Michigan, especially the children that have auditioned?

Beyond the chaos that my life has become, I've found myself so appretiative of other gays and lesbians that have influenced me. I don't know if I would be out today if I didn't know that other people had gone through the process of coming out before me. I don't know where I would be if I didn't know that my Mom has a cousin that is gay.

And so now I am returning to the land of e-mails, phone calls, auditions, and making decisions on who to cast and who not to cast.

Jill Bennett

Cathy DeBuno

Film production

I am not just a lesbian blogger. I am also a writer, and a film maker. And the film maker in me is coming here to get the help I need to begin production of a film that is about a lesbian.

I recently came across a script that captured my attention. After having read it, I realized that this would be a great script to film. And so I am coming to this audience, knowing that people that read this are likley to be gay, lesbian, or supporters of gays and lesbians. This script has a strong lesbian theme to it, and shows how normal lesbian life is.

The whole premise is that there is a young woman who is a lesbian, and adopted, and her journey to find her place in the world. It truly is a coming of age story.

If you would like to know more about this project, this is the paragraph you need to read. If you want to know more about the script, plot, or production, e-mail me at Homethemove@ymail.com
with your questions, and a subject line of more info. If you want to participate in this project as an actor e-mail me at Homethemove@ymail.com with the subject line of actor, attach your resume and photo. If you want to sink some money into this project so it can be done, go to http://www.indiegogo.com/Homethemovie

It's hard

First memories of knowing you are gay/lesbian

Sorry that I've been out of sight and not posting for so long! I've pretty busy with Lent, handbell rehersals, Easter, working in my church's nursery, trying to find a full time job, and writing a script for script frenzy (www.scriptfrenzy.org). But I'm back to post!

Everyone has their first memories of when they first realized/knew that they are gay/lesbian. And for me that is no different. For me my first memory of knowing that I was different, and knowing that I am a lesbian were quite spread out. In fifth grade I remember thinking that my teacher was beautiful, and that I was feeling so different from my peers. And after that I knew that I was different from my peers, but really didn't have a good way to descibe why I was so different. Throughout middle school and high school, I didn't really like the words gay, lesbian, and homosexual, even though I knew (in the back of my head) that that's what I was and am, and that there was nothing I could do about it.

Later on in my life, while I was working at Dow Gardens, I realized that nothing had changed. I realized that this was who I am. I realized that I had grown up. I realized that I had come to accept myself as a gay; as a lesbian.

Religion, song lyrics, and sexuality rolled all into one

Ubi Caritas et amor (Maurice Durufle)
Latin Text
Ubi caritas et amor, Debus ibi est.
Congregavit no in unum Christi amor.
Exultemus, et in ipso jucundemur.
Timeamus, et amemus Deum vivum.
Et ext corde diligamus nos sincero.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul ergo cum in unum congreamur:
Cessent iurgia maligna, cessent lites.
Et in medio nostri sit Christus Deus.
Ubi caritas et amor, Deus ibi est.
Simul quoque cum beatis videamus,
Glorianter vultum tuum, Christe Deus:
Gaudium quod est immensum, atque
probum, Saecula per infinita saeculorum.
Amen
English Translation:
Where charity and love are, God is there.
Christ's love has gathered us into one. Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him. Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And may we love each other with a sincere heart.
Where charity and love are, God is there. As we are gathered into one body,
Beware, lest we be divided in mind.
Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease,
And may Christ our God be in our midst.
Where Charity and love are, God is there.
And may we with the saints also,
See Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:
The joy that is immense and good,
Unto the ages through infinate ages. Amen.

This song was sung at my church a couple of weeks ago by the adult vocal choir. It was aboslutly beautifully sung. But today I want to get into the lyrics of this song because it says something powerful that many Christians that don't think that being gay/lesbian is natural or normal, and/or think that being gay/lesbian is a sin. In the very first line of the song it says that where there is love, that God is there. So, where people love each other, God is there, and that must include gays/lesbians who are in love with each other. There's anouther line that says that "...may we love each other with a sincere heart.". That means everyone. Not just people you agree with. That includes people that you don't nessesarly agree with.

Prayer for Tomorrow
Dreansm we all have dreams,
What we can be, what we can do.
Lord, with all we are,
We pray that our dreams will lead us,
Will lead us to you.
See our hands, what will they make, Lord?
See our feet, where will they run?
See our hears, who will they love, Lord?
See our lives, we've just begun!
Dreams, we all have dreams,
What we can be, what we can do.
Lord, with all we are,
We pray that our dreams will lead us,
Will lead us to you.
In our eyes you see tomorrow.
On that day one thing we know:
There's a dream from one who loves us
That is greater than our own.
Dreams, we all have Dreams,
What we can be, what we can do.
Lorrd, with all we are,
We pray that our dreams will lead us,
Will lead us to you.

We all have dreams that we want to come true. And many times we don't realize (those of us who are religious) how our dreams for our future mesh with what God wants for us. For me, one of my long time dreams has been to be able to marry the person I love with all of my heart. As a little kid, before I "knew" that I am gay, I imagined myself being happy with someone and getting married. Since then I've gone through so much. I've realized that I am gay. I doubted my faith in God. My faith grew again, and became stronger than it was when I was in middle school. And thanks to my faith, and several conversations I have had with other people who have a strong faith, I've come to realize that God made me this way.

Maybe you don't believe in God. Maybe you do. Maybe you think that God doesn't want people to be gay/lesbian. Maybe you think that God made us gay/lesbian for a reason. Whatever you believe/think, do it with conviction. If you believe in God: remember that he created each of us with a purpose, and lovingly, and wants us to love each other. If you don't believe in God: I'm not mad at you for not believing in God, but please understand that my faith has helped me survive the hard times when I felt like life would never get better because of my sexuality.