Sunday, February 13, 2011

Accepting yourself

Learning to accept yourself after you realize that you're gay can be rather hard. I know of people who tried anything and everything in their powers to turn themselves straight. Other people hate themselves so much that they want to end it. And yet others are okay with their sexuality, but when they get bullied they want to end it because they just want to be accepted by others. And some people hide in the closet for a period of time, and when they emerge they are fully confident in themselves. Accepting yourself and your sexuality might take a while. It might take you years before you accept yourself and your sexualtiy. Don't be afraid to hide in the closet. Don't be afraid to be proud of yourself. Learn to be yourself, and accept yourself for who you are.

It took me about five years from the time that I really accepted the fact that I was gay and that nothing was going to change it and the time that I fully accepted myself for who I am and my sexuality. Those five years were some of the toughest years of my life, but I survived, and I know anyone else that is in late middle school and high school who is gay and isn't out yet will survive too if you want it enough, and realize that things do get so much better. At first I didn't accept myself because I didn't want to be different--I wanted to date guys like my friends were early in high school. I didn't want to be attracted to girls. But at the same time I knew that there was nothing I could do to change my sexuality. So I was in a rather tight space in my closet. It wasn't fun being so different. But eventually I found myself pround of my difference from my peers. It gave me a strength that I never realized I had. I realized that the fact that I had survived high school as a gay young woman meant that I could be a role model for gay youth. I realized it meant that I wanted to live my life to it's fullest, and that I didn't want to end my life prematurly. It's thanks to my differences that I am the unique person that I am today.

I may not be in a relationship at the moment. But that's okay. Being in a relationship doesn't make me who I am--it's only a small peice of what I see in my future. But I am out. And I am proud of who I am. And nobody can take who I am away from me and tell me that I cannot and should not be who I am because of something that someone believes. What matters is what I believe, and the fact that I believe that I am someone that will eventually be in a realationship, and that someday I will have children and a job.

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