Today's topic is...denial.
Quite often we find ourselves in denial when we first realize that we're gay. We find ourselves saying "Not me. This can't be happening to me." We don't want to admit that we're different. We don't want to be different. So we deny that we are gay. We pretend to be something, somebody, we are not. And it's hard. We don't want to be this way. But the feelings we keep on surfacing. We keep denying what we feel because we don't want to be different--we want to be normal. We hate being different. So you deny yourself the chance to feel the feelings that are normal for you. You do everything in your power to deny who you are, that you are gay.
Being gay isn't something you can control. Being gay is just who you are. STOP denying your feelings, and allow yourself to be who you are. Just allow yourself to be who your are by nature. Just allow yourself to be. Life gets better. I KNOW. I'm living proof.
I was just like you. I denied my feelings for women for many years. I told myself that I can't be gay. But I eventually learned how to not deny my feelings for women. I learned to come out. I learned how hard life can be. I learned that life does get easier. I learned that the people who really matter are the ones who stick with you, even after you tell them that you are gay. I have friends who are still some of my closest friends even after I came out. My parents still love me. My brother and I get along, and fight the way that most siblings do. The people that are meant to be apart of your life will understand and still be there with you after you come out.