Friday, February 4, 2011

When did the feelings begin?

It's 10:35 pm here, and I'm sitting in my room listening to Chopin's piano concerto's number one and two as I write this, although I have this post to be set tomarrow at noon. After all, I spend my Friday's chasing first graders around a local elementary school. I should really be getting to sleep so that I can get up early tomarrow for a long day of chasing six and seven year olds around a classroom. But I am more interusted in getting this post written at the moment.

Read the title of this post. Have an idea what I'm blogging about today? I bet you do.

But first I thought that I should introduce myself to you. I'm a gay twenty-two-year-old young woman from small town mid-Michigan. I am fairly musical, and am looking for a job, which can be hard in today's economic climnate. If you've ever been at Dow Diamond (home of the great lakes loons) during the 2008, 2009, or 2010 season, it's possible that you've seen me working in food service. You also might have seen me around if you happened to visit Dow Gardens between August 2006 and August 2007 when I worked there. Enough of that. Moving on to the topic for this post.

When did the feelings begin? I don't really remember when I first started feel attracted to women. If I had to hazard a guess at when I started feeling attracted to women, I would have to say that I noticed it in fifth grade. But at that age, I didn't really have words for what I was feeling. If you were to ask the fifth grade me, I would have said that I looked up to my fifth grade teacher. But looking back, I can now say that I did look up to my fifth grade teacher, and that I was also attracted to her. Did I mention I hadn't seen my fifth grade teacher since I was in seventh or eigth grade until the spring of 2007, and she recognized me? She was one of those people that I find myself constatly finding myself attracted too. Maybe it's something with fifth grade teachers. More on the fifth grade teachers thing in a later post.

The next time I can remember being attracted to anouther woman was in seventh grade. And by that point I would have been able to tell you that I knew I was different for some reason, yet I couldn't find the word to describe it. In seventh grade I was attracted to my science and English teachers. Throught the rest of middle school and high school I was waging a constant battle with myself. Should I follow my feelings for other women, or should I fake my way through life? There were teachers and classmates I found myself falling for.

In short, I began feeling my attraction towards women in fifth grade, possibly earlier.

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