Parental perspective--Why did my child take so long to tell me?

Sometimes when we, the gays and lesbians of the world, come out to our parents, they ask why it took us so long to come out to them. Why do we take so long to tell our parents? Is there a reason we don't tell them the moment we know that we're gay?

There is a reason why we take so long to tell our parents. There is a reason why we don't tell them the moment that we realize that we are gay. When we first know that we are gay, it takes us a long time before we are ready to tell anyone. The biggest thing that we have to deal with when we realize that we are gay is our own feelings about who we are, and how we think our families will react. So, quite often we wait to tell our families until we are sure that we can survive on our own if our parents decide to kick us out of the house.

For parents who are accepting of their child being gay or lesbian, asking this question is a way of them saying why didn't you tell me so that we could support you and get you help as needed. Other parents will ask their child why they didn't say something earlier because they want to attempt to fix their child. And yet other parents will ask this question because they would have liked to kick their gay/lesbian child out earlier. Parents come in all range of reactions to your coming out.

Parents: You need to understand that we don't come out right away because we are trying to make sense of ourselves, and trying to find the right way to come out to our family and friends. You also need to understand that as a gay/lesbian, we didn't choose to be this way, and that we also need support from you.